They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
