What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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