Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize