mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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