You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize