Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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