...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
