Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
