too bad you live with your parents still
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
