I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
