I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
