I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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