She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
