Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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