Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
