I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
