like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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