meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My pussy is not your playground.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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