capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
