I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
