Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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