Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
