mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
