We named our party play list daddy issues
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize