I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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