i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
