..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
