I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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