I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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