I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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