I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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