I hope mine doesn't look like that
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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