I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
