sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
