'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
