What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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