Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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