absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize