I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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