your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
