Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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