I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
