you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Drunk is not a location!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
