FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
