I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
