there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
