Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
