I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
