Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
