I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
