Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
