S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
