My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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