i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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