I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
