all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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