Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
