$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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