Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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