i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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