She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
