Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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