I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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