This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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