my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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