I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
