Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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