sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
