If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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