im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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