We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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