His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
