wrigley field is MILF paradise
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
