Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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