no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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