I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
