I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
