yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
