Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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