He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
