the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
