Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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