bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
