Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize